“Do you know why Santa Claus’s bag never gets empty, although there are so many children in the world? Because it may be full of toys, but sometimes there are more important things to be delivered, what we call “invisible gifts”. In a broken home, he tries to bring harmony and peace on the holiest night in Christianity. Where love is lacking, he deposits a seed of faith in children’s hearts. Where the future seems black and uncertain, he brings hope. In our case, the day after Father Christmas comes to visit us, we are happy to be still alive and doing our work, which is to make people happy. Never forget that.”

Morning Note #1

For the time being, I OFFICIALLY HATE THE WEEKEND.
I used to look forward to weekends. It is the time of the week where everyone is actually worry-free about their jobs and get to spend time with family and loved ones. Weekends for me, well, these are the dates I know You are in touch with reality. Weekend like this is what is real for both of us.  Some time from now, this won't just happen on weekend, but on every day and yes, it sucks because I have to be with my old stubborn insensitive self again. I hate myself back then. Especially now that I realized how beautiful it is to just care, may it be for something or someone, and you make me a better person you know- dreaming with you. There is always the saddest part of a beautiful dream you wouldn't want doing, and, yes, it is waking up. 

"I am asking a lot, because I am worth a lot."

Say that infront of the mirror every time you try to settle for something less that you know you deserve.To all women out there, this one is a must read. Know your worth and don't let other people tell you otherwise. 

In a brief conversation, a man asked a woman he was pursuing the question: "What kind of man are you looking for?"

She sat quietly for a moment before looking him in the eye & asking, "Do you really want to know?"

Reluctantly, he said, "Yes."

She began to expound:

"As a woman in this day & age, I am in a position to ask a man what can you do for me that I can't do for myself?

I pay my own bills. I take care of my household without the help of any man.... or woman for that matter.

I am in the position to ask, "What can you bring to the table?"

The man looked at her. Clearly he thought that she was referring to money.

She quickly corrected his thought & stated, "I am not referring to money. I need something more."

"I need a man who is striving for excellence in every aspect of life."

He sat back in his chair, folded his arms, & asked her to explain.

She said:

"I need someone who is striving for excellence mentally because I need conversation & mental stimulation. I don't need a simple-minded man.

I need someone who is striving for excellence spiritually because I don't need to be unequally yoked...believers mixed with unbelievers is a recipe for disaster.

I need a man who is striving for excellence financially because I don't need a financial burden.

I need someone who is sensitive enough to understand what I go through as a woman, but strong enough to keep me grounded.

I need someone who has integrity in dealing with relationships. Lies and game playing are not my idea of a strong man.

I need a man who is family-oriented. One who can be the leader, priest and provider to the lives entrusted to him by God.

I need someone whom I can respect. In order to be submissive, I must respect him.

I cannot be submissive to a man who isn't taking care of his business.

I have no problem being submissive...he just has to be worthy.

And by the way, I am not looking for him...He will find me. He will recognize himself in me. He may not be able to explain the connection, but he will always be drawn to me. God made woman to be a helpmate for man. I can't help a man if he can't help himself."

When she finished speaking, she looked at him.

He sat there with a puzzled look on his face.

He said, "You are asking a lot."

She replied, "I'm worth a lot."

ON BEING TRULY HAPPY

People universally tend to think that happiness is a stroke of luck, something that will maybe descend upon you like fine weather if youre fortunate enough. Happiness is the consequence of personal effort. You fight for it, strive for it, insist upon it, and sometimes even travel around the world looking for it. You have to participate relentlessly in the manifestation of your own blessings. And once you have acheved a state of happiness, you must never become lax about maintaining it, you must make a mighty effort to keep swimming upward into that happiness forever, to stay afloat on top of it. --Elizabeth Gilbert.

Go Shorty

Dear you who's reading this,

Hello. Happy November. November 5's coming and I can't wait to be 25. I'm excited because all my family and closest friends will be there (and everyone needs to wear something blue) to celebrate it with me. I Haha! This is actually the first time, since I turned 18 that I get all giddy thinking and planning about my birthday. For the past 7 years, November 5 was just one of the ordinary days and there were far more important days to be remembered like, the day I get regularized, or the day I traveled somewhere. Maybe because, 7 years ago, there was none from my family who called to greet me on what used to be my special day. Well, there was my Kuya and my cousin, on our family's behalf. From then on, I stopped being emotional with special occasions as what my Papa always tell us whenever he misses a celebration. But this year's different. I invited my relatives and some of my closest friends over at our house for dinner and all of them will be there. And there's facebook who never fails to you remind everyone of you big day, hence,would make you feel that you are loved by your  virtual friends. 

I am excited to be 25 because it's quarter life! hahaha and everyone seems to get lost at this age. Being 25 means I am free to marry even without my parent's consent! hahaha. And I am excited to get lost and be found. I want to get lost in a sea of people and culture and things in between. It's always fun to get lost because it is only at this state where you can truly find yourself, know who you are and what you can be. I guess, as you get older, you think of your future more often than when you are in your teenage years. Like, what would I be  5 years from now, where am I at 30, stuff like that. Yes, I do think of that but I live life one day at a time, I try not to hurry too much because life is short. But I have a plan. Trust me. 


 My friends and some of my relatives are starting to ask whether or not I have a boyfriend. And the next question as to what age do I want to settle down. Okay, I don't have a boyfriend and settling down, well, we could go back to the first question. Sometimes, I too, wonder why in the world don't I have one! I mean  , c'mon! hahaha! Seriously though, I refused to be defined by a boyfriend. Or a lack of.  I've always believed that God will give you that person when you need him the most. We always have the need to love and be loved. No matter how we keep a straight face and tell the whole world that we are okay without "it", we are all still human. I'd be grateful meeting that one person someday soon. For now though, I seem to live fine without it. And when he comes, I'd be ready! We would be the luckiest people in the whole wide world! hahaha We'll laugh at the corniest jokes and exchange (boy) pick up lines! We'll sign arrival cards together and live like locals in places we visit! We will never forget to say I love you and mean it always, every single day. Kaya ikaw (kung sino ka man), kung nababasa mo 'to, ang swerte mo sakin kasi mamahalin kita. Pero mas maswerte ako kase ako yung pinili mo. Kahit madumi ako kumain, kahit lagi akong late sa mga lakad natin, kahit mas gusto ko manood tagalog movies kesa sa mga sci-fi films mo, kahit pa angkalat kalat ko sa kwarto, kahit matigas ang ulo ko na feeling ko kaya ko lahat, kahit madalas hindi ako prim and proper, kahit na nagagalit ako sa'yo ng wala lang. hahaha! 

So dear family and friends, if you're reading this and you're thinking of what gift to give me. Eto na. hahah

1. yoga mat. make sure to come visit me so we can do crunches together! 

2. BB cream, BB cheesecake, BB phone!

3. GC from forever 21!!! or H&M  hahah

4. Curling iron 

5. metro deal voucher slimming treatment hahah or hair removal 
6. a dog and I promise to name it after you
7. yung kakanin na assorted I forgot the name 
8.  hot and cold shower para sa dorm namin haha
9. one year supply of Likas papaya plus loofah. New hobby ko 'to
10. TV, please please! Paging ms. Jaygirl! 
11. Ms. Des, please approve my April 16-30 VL pleaseeeee
12. Papa, gusto ko po ng watchhhh :D or Lumix camera haha

13. Dr. Avelino, please can you give me discount on my toner? 
14. Sana pwede na ang braces sa work Ms. Titit!!! hahah
15. Family picture!!!!! Papaaaaaa
16.  stockings nalang. :)


This year, mamitas, I will go for 1 & 11!!!!!!!!! I'm still scared, but I'm gonna take that leap! Promise. 

Thank you for remembering my special day. I love you all! :D 

Love,

Mae

1 and 11

Dear You,


I have this hope I'd still see you. For the longest time, I've been firm about the fact that one day, we will see each other and catch up, talk about everything we missed out on, just like what we did that one night. I consider that evening one of my unexpectedly happiest moments. Perhaps, it was with the stars on a cold evening and view of the city made it so romantic. The city lights were your eyes, twinkling, saying you were having a great time too. We both were. And there at that moment, you had me. 
It was a journey, as it always is, that I realize things a little bit late. Because of the fact that I'm getting in my own way because i have this huge boundary issues but you made it all possible in those moments we spent together. You are my inspiration, and just like how any inspiration goes, you were fleeting. You went away because you really have to. I never noticed my heart got broken when you kissed me one last time and said our goodbyes. But it was, truthfully, broken because you were the only person who made me forget everything from the past and made it looked like it was worth all the pain because I finally found you.  But you have to go. It was unbelievable that someone like me would fall for a person in such little time. I've always been a 5 and 6 person. I am okay with just being safe about everything because taking risks is uncustomary for me. I don't know, maybe because you are my 1 and 11. 
What if we never chose to communicate when you were far away? We'll be silly stupid to let that happen but at least I could have not hoped for anything about us. And I never could have seen us drifting father and farther away from each other. I could have continued on with my life without you because you changed me from the moment we said our goodbyes. I could have given all of me to someone that's here. But that exactly is the reason why you are my 1 and 11. You brought me from my lowest low to my highest high only to drag me back to 1 again. I am mad because you are insanely beautiful and I am crazy about you that I can't help it.
But here we are. You, still so far. And I'm here waiting for another big leap to take; still afraid but willing to try and take the plunge again. I could have wished for the best ending, where you and me will meet again and pick up whatever we left off. But I guess, reality is so far from expectations. Despite all these, it made me hope for the ending that God is preparing for me. Not necessarily the best, but the one I deserve. 
So to You, I will always be happy for you. You will always have that place in my heart. And yes, I am not letting the hope go. 


Love, 


Mae

On Moving On

"when people make you feel unwanted, don't leave to make them feel sad or guilty, they won't. Leave because you no longer have a reason to stay. Sometimes you have to be strong for yourself. What’s meant to be will end up good and what’s not - won’t. Love is worth fighting for, but sometimes you can’t be the only one fighting. At times, people need to fight for you. If they don’t, you just have to move on and realize what you gave them was more than they were willing to give you."

Same Old Brand New Me

Dear Tumblr,
I've written this entry in your account 3 weeks after I was based in Cebu ( April 21, 2010). I just realized that I still want the same things as the one I've written there a year and four months ago.  The person I was referring to here, at the time being, is in a skype-driven love and yeah, we're still friends. Well, I gathered all the courage I could muster and asked him about us since I felt it has been a long delayed question. Plus, we have our own lives  now. He said he used to like me, but wasn't ready for a relationship yet. I don't know though, if he still likes me but I think he does! Haha! Just kidding! This would probably get to him sooner or later and he might just kill me for baring everything we understand about each other today.But whatever, we're friends. 
Reading this again though brought me to thinking about how stupid I was for taking for granted the person who showed for real what this entry was all about. I should stop saying sorry to him, because I am, in fact, sorry for myself for realizing it too late. Well, lessons have been learned.  

I woke up today with a heartache.  I need to have myself fixed before I become overly emotionally attached to this person. I never understand why I have to break down my walls I long built up for myself and let uncertainty stay close. And now, its even closer. I used to just be cool with it. No hassle, no drama, no demands.

But see, eventually, you’ll be coming to a point where you’d ask yourself of what’s missing. Those ‘what ifs’ that has been repeatedly playing in your little world called mind. This little world has too much toy-questions like, ” Why do you have to settle for a thing like this?” or “This is what you want, right?” until you won’t have a choice but to answer the questions you consciously been trying to get away from.

Let me tell you something. I am a sucker for romantic chic flicks because I want a happy ending. I listen to superficial love songs because I want a person I can sincerely dedicate it to. I envy couples that are crazy about each other because I want to be crazily in love, too.

My friend, who used to play around relationships,as far as I can remember, told me he’s ready to wear love up on his sleeve this time. He said, he wants something more than just one night stands or dating or hanging out. He wants sleepovers, DVD Marathons, unplanned trips, with someone for keeps. I used to not believe him, by the way. But then sometimes, you just gotta have faith.

I am putting this heartache here to let it stay here. I don’t want to waste my time putting up emotions over the uncertainty of what’s out there. I want to be good enough for that someone. I want someone willing to take the risk with me because he wants me THAT much. I want someone I can love like crazy and would love me the same way back.

On being Productive

Dearest Mamitas Virna and Chikay,
Thank you for last night's sleepover. I wish I could just transport everything I own in Salem and be with you guys. But you know my lazy ass well, so I'd probably be staying in the most depressing place on earth a little longer. But definitely, more sleepovers this time since I now know where you stay and how to get there without riding a cab which I find totally expensive. And of course, I want to be with you guys, too! Tin, Mhay, and Chi are great roomates as well and I probably tag them along in one of our Pasta and Wine nights. I wish Pinky lives a little closer and her salary gets a little higher (haha!) so she could be with us, too. 
I missed talks like that. I missed us. I missed writing again. I missed being smart. This place makes me think of nothing else other than facebook and twitter which I really hate. Being here makes me really lazy even more. I want to stop all this non sense and start being productive again. And so, you guys inspire me. Chik, I want to read the books you're reading  and take down notes, too! And Virna, I want to be creative, too! haha! Scrapbooking is definitely one of the many ways. 
Thank you trying to convince me to move in with you. I will, after the rainy season. Promise.


PS. Last night, the problem with me was that I don't know what I want. I know what I want, It's just that I find it so hard to put it into words. So I'm gonna try this time.
Aside from the given basics, I just want someone who can show me that it is okay to let my tallest and thickest guard down which has always been my problem. That I can be myself, despite my inconsistencies and insensitivities, and  who will make me realize that I should love with no regrets. And yes,like what Chik said, "Okay lang na lumabas kasi secure kami sa isa't isa; dahil takot syang mawala ako (or vice versa) kaya alam kong hindi nya gagawin yung mga bagay na makakapaghiwalay sa'min." Yes, I'd like that.