Adios, Multiply!

Dear Multiply,

In between thoughts.

Farewell to the social networking site that brought people closer before the Facebook emerged itself. Now that all personal accounts will be deleted and you'll be concentrating on you famous marketplace, I think it's just right to give you proper credit. I think you are the most organized, self absorbed social site. I didn't really had that much hard time exploring you. Add to that, you witnessed all the memories I had during college, my young love, and that heart ache! Damn. Three years have gone by too fast! I'm sorry, I wasn't able to put up with your demands on my mail inbox. Many times, you tried reaching out but I guess I got too fond on FB and, sad to say, I failed to reconnect because, really, I forgot my password. So before I say farewell to you, as I waved my hands bye on Flickr less than a month ago, let me have something to remember you by. This is the last post I made on my blog, dated October 29, 2009. Wow, what better way to let my emotions out during the time when my heart was at its lowest than to blog. Hahaha. Seriously, do you think I changed so much in terms of how I write?


Xoxo,

Mae

To the person who made me laugh and cry at the same time

Oct 30, '09 4:25 AM for everyone

Waiting is painful.
Indeed. Oftentimes you'd help me by being the epitome of that virtue I thought I would never going to possess. But you nevertheless thought me to be patient, and to wait.
It has been seven months and three days. Every day, no matter how I tired or angry or happy I am, I never miss thinking about you. How you've been, who you're with, and how you enjoy your life back there. Of course, our ridiculously wonderful memories would not be of absence. That's what's keeping me here in the first place. I could not say, It's easy. It's, in fact the hardest waiting especially when everybody else around me has moved on from their past and has been telling me whenever I utter your name (may it be accidental or not, out of the topic or not) to just stop thinking of the past.
You're not my past, are you? You're actually all the tenses of the verb in me. For one thing, we're holding on to 'us'. You told me. Though I can't understand what you're going through, I know I can trust you with this decision. Although it pains me each day that I feel we're drifting farther and father away from each other, there's  this rope that i'm still holding on to. I hope you, too, are firmly grasping to it.
Let me say, I am here because I want to make it up to you. I never said anything when we broke up, well, except that I said you were selfish. Truth is, I have my own share of selfishness, too. I was completely blinded by the fact that you were in love with me and that no matter what happens, you'd still go be there. And so, here we are.
I almost forgot why I fell inIove with you in the first place. Because we talked of things involving us, things about us,and things not exactly about us. We'd argue, we'd mess up but in the end we'd just laugh it all out and end it with smiles on our faces reasssuring that tomorrow, love's gonna much sweeter.
I want us to feel that again.
----
Forgetting is painful.
Told you, it wasn't at all easy.
Sometimes, oftentimes I feel like I'm at the end of the line. Perhaps, it's the dimensions that we're in. But it's not really.
I remember Gabe in the the movie Little Manhattan when he asked his Dad about how come love has to end, he said,  "Once upon a time, we really loved each other, but as time went by, there just got to be all these things, little things, stupid things, that were left unsaid. And all these things that were left unsaid piled up, like the clutter in our storage room. And after awhile, there was so much that was left unsaid, that we barely said anything at all. "
It's more because I don't know you anymore. There's been a lot that has happened that you have found comfort disclosing your feelings with other people than me. And now, I feel like I'm the person who know you the least. You have started your life without me and it seems that you're pretty much happy with you life right now.
I couldn't count how many times I've set aside the pride I've always have with you. You know that with my job, I could be there to you anytime, yet you seem to not want me. Either you say you're too busy, or you're busy. You're even too busy to send a simple SMS to say, "hey, i'm still here.", that I always have to be the one to make the effort to sound your cellphone though I'd recieve a reply. Funny, how I always end up saying your line "Here I go again". Well, the truth is, it was never funny being rejected everytime you offer your time and effort and feels not being wanted.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not looking for sympathy. I know the technicalities of us. It's just that I remember my brother who once told me that if he asked his girlfriend for a space, he would always make an effort to never lost communication, to never fail to reassure her of her importance.
---
But not knowing which one to do is the worst kind of suffering.
Don't think I blame you for anything that's happening. I'm not. This should have been the feeling I've always wanted to tell you. 
I wish the distance between us is enough of a space for us to concentrate on ourselves, enough of a space for us to breathe and discover that we can work things out despite the geographic challenge.
I wish it is that simple.
Everything happens for a reason. I don't regret anyhing that happened between us. In fact, if it wasn't for that decision, I would not be able to write you this. I would not be able to fully appreciate you, your love that has made me smile and bring to tears countless of times.
You made me change the way I see love, really. You actually have taught me a lot about that and then some.
And so I learned that love isn't about all the fancy, extravaggant things that's in between but about you, me and us. I learned quite a few hard lessons about you and us. Perhaps I should start putting me back. If and when that time comes, then maybe that will be the 'right time' that you keep insisting about.
I'm in a dilemma right now. To wait or to forget.
This time, I won't depend on your answer.
I have to find it on my own.

A FRAGMENT OF MY LETTER TO YOU, WHOEVER YOU ARE p.2

Watching the sunrise in Angkor Wat with Virna

Dear You,

At this very moment, I wish you could find me now or see me in a different light when you wake up.
These are the moments I wish I could share to you, with you. I want to make time to go out of my way just to see you, to stare at you when you're not looking and thank all the stars of how lucky I am for choosing me despite the time, distance, and priorities. I want to share a lot of laughs, not at you, but with you. They say that taking care of someone is addicting. Well, I wouldn't mind taking care of you. I believe surprises are lethal because they can make you believe that actions do speak louder than words. I wanna do all that and more; not really the grandest but those little things that make big differences which make you see each morning differently, in a beautiful kind of way. That I would always look forward to waking up knowing I am not missing the reason why I am living-- to love truthfully, with all my heart. And what makes it larger than life is the fact that I am sharing all this to you.

With all love and waiting,
Me

DARING PINATUBO

They say that there are 2 ways to get to know someone: live in together or travel together. Though I think, the former isn't on my mind, the latter makes me feel alive in the truest sense. May it be a local trip or country hopping, the feeling of travelling together strenghtens the bond between people. Getting to know someone, particularly with this trip, will definitely tear down all first impressions you have of each other, and build new perceptions with regards to their culture and him/her as an individual. I have met someone some two years back during our first out of the country trip in Singapore. It was the first time I made friends with a local and two years after, here he is, in my country, sharing this particular uphill task with (literally and figuratively)! I definitely agree that there's nothing more beautiful seeing new places than with someone who's roots grew in it.

For Php2,000 it was literally a long day for all the participants because we had a very early meet up at 230 am. We signed up with tripinas travel agency who took care of everything except that we have to buy food and water for ourselves. After the briefing, we departed Manila at 3am and made it at the basecamp before 6am. 4x4 rides were available 20 mins after and we shared the hour drive with a Taiwanese Professor and a Filipino couple, about to get married. We were seeing the sun rise on our way to the where the trek would start. I wanted sunrise so bad I couldn't fall asleep even if I never slept the night before because I couldn't just miss it for the world! Did I say how much I love mornings?

The walk, the three-hour walk, was, i should say, the biggest physical challenge I had so far in my whole life. It was drizzling when we started and the road was never ending. We had to cross some streams and I have my ever dependable Sanuks to take care of my feet. By the way, I think everyone should own a pair of Sanuk. Try signing up to this trip and you'll know that even the most comfy 200$ shoes is no match to it! The challenge was to keep moving, because if you keep complaining about getting tired, and stop the walk, it will cripple your team. Well, I did have a lot of complaining myself but I'm a natural multitasker so I did it while continuing the journey that had, as I noticed, toned my legs! I think this is activity is a good natural exercise for legs. Close your eyes and imagine walking for 5 hours. What do you see your legs would become? Have you imagined it? Yes, that's it. Take note that the toned leg muscles go together with tired feet and muscle pain. :) But you have someone to share them too, so I sure that's the least you'd think about.

We arrived at the crater lake around 1030 and everything happened so fast! We went for some swim on the lake and had our lunch and had to leave at 12 noon when Mr. Sun says he's the king of the world. Of course everyone dreaded to go back. Well, actually, just the thought of what we'd have to go through again dread everyone. But we have to keep moving. We were back at the base camp around 330pm. I would have wanted to tell you the experience of going to an Aeta Village but we all missed it because we dozed off in the 4x4 expelling all the Lahar dust and the rough road and probably once in a lifetime experience of seeing one of the native tribes of the Philippines! In the basecamp, we had our chance to clean ourselves but we chose to have some bbq instead. We were back to Manila, around 6pm, a little early than the supposed 7pm arrival.

Sharing some of my favorite photos I took during our Pinatubo tour! Totally worth the 3hour drive from Manila, 1hour 4x4 ride, and the 3 hour trek to see the majestic crater lake! I felt like all the exhaution gone in an instant and I was refueled witnessing this rare beauty of nature! It's this kind of trip that you'd always be proud of yourself, accomplishing something you never thought you could do. I would definitely recommend this thip to everyone but personally not doing it again. It's like doing the most daring thing during a truth or dare situation. You'd brave doing it, probably would not believe yourself really have done it but definitely not again, ever. :)

The majestic Pinatubo crater lake

Our team :D Gen, Diana, Professor X, Roy, Me 

Here comes the sun :)

On a boat ride going to the other side of the lake. Beautiful view.

There were a total of 60 4x4 going to the Crater that day, 5 people in every 4x4. Do the Math.

I felt like I was time traveled trying to find the Ibong Adarna with this view

That' was where we're swimming, on the other side. But the view from here is stunning

I'm so happy you came to visit Philippines :)

 Now who's looking for an adventure? haha

One of the greatest thing about life is finding someone to share it with.

Roy: We should give the boatman some tip. Look how he paddles, he must be really tired.  After giving the boatman, P300 tip.. BOATMAN: *poker face

Happy tired

I never knew how kind hearted you are until this trip. :D I'm never gonna forget you 'cause you made me walk that loongggg!!!! Thanks for the awesome weekend, Roy! Come back to Manila anytime!