1 and 11

Dear You,


I have this hope I'd still see you. For the longest time, I've been firm about the fact that one day, we will see each other and catch up, talk about everything we missed out on, just like what we did that one night. I consider that evening one of my unexpectedly happiest moments. Perhaps, it was with the stars on a cold evening and view of the city made it so romantic. The city lights were your eyes, twinkling, saying you were having a great time too. We both were. And there at that moment, you had me. 
It was a journey, as it always is, that I realize things a little bit late. Because of the fact that I'm getting in my own way because i have this huge boundary issues but you made it all possible in those moments we spent together. You are my inspiration, and just like how any inspiration goes, you were fleeting. You went away because you really have to. I never noticed my heart got broken when you kissed me one last time and said our goodbyes. But it was, truthfully, broken because you were the only person who made me forget everything from the past and made it looked like it was worth all the pain because I finally found you.  But you have to go. It was unbelievable that someone like me would fall for a person in such little time. I've always been a 5 and 6 person. I am okay with just being safe about everything because taking risks is uncustomary for me. I don't know, maybe because you are my 1 and 11. 
What if we never chose to communicate when you were far away? We'll be silly stupid to let that happen but at least I could have not hoped for anything about us. And I never could have seen us drifting father and farther away from each other. I could have continued on with my life without you because you changed me from the moment we said our goodbyes. I could have given all of me to someone that's here. But that exactly is the reason why you are my 1 and 11. You brought me from my lowest low to my highest high only to drag me back to 1 again. I am mad because you are insanely beautiful and I am crazy about you that I can't help it.
But here we are. You, still so far. And I'm here waiting for another big leap to take; still afraid but willing to try and take the plunge again. I could have wished for the best ending, where you and me will meet again and pick up whatever we left off. But I guess, reality is so far from expectations. Despite all these, it made me hope for the ending that God is preparing for me. Not necessarily the best, but the one I deserve. 
So to You, I will always be happy for you. You will always have that place in my heart. And yes, I am not letting the hope go. 


Love, 


Mae